My Muse

So, I am sitting here in my room. I am reading blogs and I notice that many peoples stories will never be told, how many people are out there that have a blog and yet have never had some one look at it? Someone to read their stories, someone to not judge them but just to listen. You see for some, it is an art form to write. A way of expressing and while it might be one of the most forward ways of expressing that art it is still a form of expression.

Sometime we write things down because maybe that what we have to do to figure them out. Other times I see that the only reason we say things are because we have no one else to talk to, but we pray that someone may find us. That someone might stop and take a look and read our story. Actually to say the truth its not just someone, it is the right person, whether it may be yourself 20 years from now, or a friend, a parent, a sister, or brother, your children, or maybe like in my case that one girl. You know the one, she is the one that no matter what you do, you never seem to get her out of your mind. She is what you dream about at night and want to see first thing in the morning. She is the reason soldiers go to war, they write to her every night in the hopes to see her again. She is not just someone that is easily forgot or dismissed by the end of the night, she is their muse, their inspiration the one thing they look forward too as the trip comes closer every day to an end.

So What happens to those soldiers that never make it back, those soldiers that loose their life as they return, those whose lost their muse, the ones that inspired them to go on in at the hardest of times. With the only though that there not making a world better for a nation or for them, but instead are making it better for their children, their brother and sisters, their parents, even their friends, and most of all their Helen.

I can tell you I think of her every night, that I hope she is safe, that this world you want to protect her from, that is so bad, is not cruel enough to take her away. She is the reason I want to change even when she is gone. And she is the one I want to make believe in true love. I want her to see that when you do love someone that is far away, that absence does make the heart grow founder, whether you can live with out them or not. That we all have our part to play but those without love, without passion, those that do not see that these are the strongest things in the world. Are those who end alone and miserable and for some live their greatest fear no matter their success, "emptiness".

What is sad is that they were not born this way. They did not come into this world knowing not to trust humanity. They instead were pushed, they were hurt, they became ruthless, and without mercy. I am not saying this is bad, I am not saying this about my girl, or about you. But we all know someone like this, They hate what life has done to them and in turn have decided there will not be any second chances, for where were their second chances. But we must all understand that we are all human and we all fail at some point. It is how we dust off and get back to our feet that count, How we keep going, whether or not we listen to that voice that says quit, or we can keep going and we pick up others along the way that want to go on and are not sure how, and we make sure they do not quit. We are all supposed to be here for each other. Yet war, famine, and hunger still exist in this world.

Truth is I might not know for sure, I might just have some infatuation with this girl and even though it may be they case she has inspire me to write, write more then I ever have, she inspires me to come back home, and to finish this war, and let peace come to those want it, just like I have it with her. Truth is most people would call me crazy, I never have even been in front of this girl face to face, I have never touched her hand, or kissed her lips, I have never caresses her gentle body. I still long for the days that I can sit down and watch sports TV with her, the day I can take her snowboarding and she can take me diving. I hope and pray for the day she can forgive me and I can make right my wrongs. I long for the Day that I can take back any harm or sorrow, any sadness or grief I did to her and hope that I can truly give her what she wants, love.

That's why I write, that's why you read this, its not for my pure pleasure as it does not only help my breath out, but it is in hope that one day she might find this. That one day she might understand the way I hope you understand that me hurting her was not what I wanted, that she is my night, she is my day. She is all that encourages me. That her happiness is my one goal and as I hope it is through me, I will always ensure her happiness even without myself in that picture.

You may not believe me and maybe she does not either, but I love her.
I only hope she love back.

Here is an Idea, for those who read this, come up with a tittle for it.

Sleep is non existenet and I cant seem to believe in the same things I believed not long ago. What I do seem to still hold on to is love. Its the only thing getting me through a war, the thought that one day I will feel it. That it will fight for me like I would for it. I am in this war with my brothers and sisters and its because I wish to bring peace nothing more.

There is a quote I really like it goes "When will our consience grow so tender that we will act to prevent it human misery rather than avenge it?" - Eleanor Roosevelt.

I do care about my brothers and sister and never wish them death, only love.

Someone asked me a question once that made me think really hard about life. It is a typical war question one that most cannot answer without being in that position, but there are those that know what is true and what they would do.

The question is "If there was a grenade thrown in between you and another man, a man you know has a daughter, and a wife. and a family. Would you jump on it so he could see his family again if it was the only way for one to live? My answer is yes. I would pray for those last moment and hope everything would be fine, that my parents understood, and that my friends would not forget. But instead of anger, I would hope they would help bring peace, and love. As that is what I died for.

I have no kids, no wife, and that's why I would let a family have their father their husband for my life. Because truth is all the world needs is just a little more love.

Just always remember to know what love is, it is trust, its kindness, it is all that is good in this world. There is not such a thing as too much love. But there is such a thing as Jealousy, human desire, and sometimes these things can come out of a person with only the intention to love, it will come out because, we are human. But if we can change, then we can prove to her, to them, and to the world. That anything is possible including World Peace.

I could go on writing for day to explain my errors and the errors of others but it would not make a difference, this note will never make it to CNN or NBC or some big News it will be for you all that read it.

There is two quotes I leave you off with the first is a good one I remember from American History X "So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it. Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong."

So my quote is from a movie, that really didn't do that great but had a great message intended.

"War is waged by nations, but it is human beings that pay the price. For those of us that survive we are left with the memories of shame, and misery, and bloodshed. In theses dark times the only thing we have left to hold on too, is love, the one true gift of god/the gods, and it is through love that we hope and pray that god/the gods will send us peace." - Helen of Troy.

So this is it this is what I learned, take of it what you will, but there is love for us all out there, But we need to learn to change our ways before giving it up, without realizing that we pushed it away ourselves, and unintentionally gave it all away our self's

Listening to: James Blunt - No Bravery

Nali

No body said we were perfect, But how many people have made it to show, how deeply flawed the human race really is.

Our issues are in reality what have the world spinning in the wrong direction. If we could learn that we aren't perfect and never will be,t hen maybe we could learn that instead what this world needs are hearts made of dough capable of being shaped and changed because the truth is that what the world needs to do is learn to change and much change is needed. But we are stubborn and its takes to long and this, well this is what will cause our downfall. and in the end when we can no longer swim in the seas, or drink water without being filtered when we are no longer capable of seeing a whale in the ocean, or when birds dont fly anymore because our atmosphere is destroyed with pollution.

We will not be able to blame another species for our downfall, it will be our own mistake. We will have lost the battle for we never learned how to

CHANGE

You inspired it, and my change is because of you and always will be.